In December 2024, I visited my paternal grandparent’s memorial in Shenzhen with my parents, my brother, and several of my relatives. I had paid respect to my grandparents' memorial before, but this particular visit felt the most significant.

I remember what stuck with me the most was deeply seeing my immigrant parents for the first time. 

What I saw of my parents was their aging. 

What I saw of my parents were individuals who grew up during the Cultural Revolution period in China with unprocessed traumas that they still carry with them to this day. 

What I saw of my parents were people who did the best they could as parents with the knowledge they had at the time.

What I saw of my parents were the decades of sacrifice, and the toll they had put on their bodies operating a restaurant in the San Francisco Bay Area.

What I saw of my parents were people who only took 2-3 days off from work a year, so that they could make money and provide as many opportunities for me and my brother that they themselves never had, like the opportunity to pursue higher education and make it as white collar professionals. 

My parents’ immigrant story is a story that many who come from immigrant families can resonate with. However, what is often not talked about in these immigrant stories is the emotional cost. The emotional cost of mourning and loss, unprocessed trauma, intergenerational traumas that immigrant parents can unconsciously pass on to their children, and the intergenerational conflicts that occur between Asian Americans offsprings and their immigrant parents. 

As I looked upon the ocean view from my grandparents memorial towards the end of my visit, I was reminded of how many other Chinese and Asian American individuals have stories similar to mine, and how many of them deal with anguish and deep internal conflicts alone.

But you are not alone.

We all have a story to tell. And my hope is that my story will encourage you to tell your story and pursue your biggest hopes, dreams and goals to your fullest.